Uncomfortable, Aware, Alive

The new school year is upon us, a natural transition time our culture has curated for this season of the calendar. I love natural transitions and find our man-made ones fascinating. It's weird to think about times before when people didn't march to the same beat we do now. We need structure and community and rest. We also need outside entities to pull us out of ourselves. I could pursue comfort my whole life, while letting my insides decay without thinking twice about it. So in my pursuit for something deeper in this life I get to live, I'm finding myself uncomfortable, A LOT. And also, more aware and alive.

The school shooting will never go away from my story. At this time my major connections to community are rooted at The Covenant School, which means most of my friends, my friend's kids, my co-workers are all living with unthinkable layers. And the thing that is insane to me about life is that none of us are getting a hall pass for the other difficulties of simply living. We are getting sick, our cars break down, our pets need to go to the emergency vet, our washing machines break, our spouses loose their jobs, our kids break their arms, storms come through and knock down trees in our yards and our power goes out for days, our loved ones pass away. These things are very much still happening, which at times makes me fall down into bed and in my rousing I don't want to get up. How do we carry on? How do we trust that the prayers make any difference? How do we remember that God's love meets us at every corner of difficulty when it feels like He's running away? Answers come at times and don't at others.

Today, I'm holding on to my belief that the way of things, the way of timing, the interconnectedness that we cannot deny, are all bigger than my brain can fathom. When I desire God's goodness for my life, I have to remember I desire that same goodness for everyone's life. And I think that means sometimes I have to be uncomfortable in my circumstances so others can get their needs/wants met. I do not know this, but I feel it to be true. If I want to be held, I want for everyone to be held. 

So, as I struggle to make sense of senseless things and senseless timing of daily challenges, I can let my anger melt away to some bit of assurance that my time will come, our time will come. All things shall be well, a season of flourishing will come. I can hope and live in hope even when I don't want to get out of bed. Kindness wraps me up in whatever state I'm in. You too. Amen.