Thirty is here. THIRTY IS HERE!!!!!!!!!!
Thirty years old. I am psyched and I am humbled. Who knew turning thirty would be the biggest breath of fresh air? Who knew the hope that could come with getting older? Who knew that balloons and new clothes; a mailbox full of cards, and kids beaming at the nail polish they picked out just for me would feel like flying?
Being celebrated has always felt foreign. I'd rather down play and dismiss any form of love or flattery. I try to protect myself from feeling too much. Too much good and too much bad have always made me want to crawl out of my skin. But I'm learning to stay in the moment. I'm learning to fully feel.
As someone who likes to SLOWLY ease into a swimming pool, I felt like someone pushed me into the pool of adulthood. My twenties felt like a complete shock, gasping for air, treading water, all of the "drowning" metaphors. Going from living with my parents and sharing a room with my sister, to getting married and sharing a room with my husband. Moving cities, experiencing panic attacks, carrying/birthing/caring for three kids, having a traveling hubby and family far away. Having so many "supposed to be elated" life events, but feeling trapped and confused instead. These were years of hard emotional work. Learning to cry big tears, learning to verbalize what is on my heart, learning to celebrate.
And celebrate we did. So many of you entered in with our family to celebrate me. I honestly can't put words to the continual love that was poured over my hesitant heart. I struggled at first, thinking it was all too much. But slowly I kept reminding myself that to celebrate is to live. And I want to LIVE. I want my thirties to be a decade of deciding to press into the life I've been given. It will be crazy uncomfortable, but I'm ready to start showing up. Thank you all for standing beside me and believing in the story God is writing. I feel a little bit like the birthday Grinch who has tried to sabotage my own birthday for years and this year my heart grew 100x.
And truly how incredible of our God to have me married to a man who was born to celebrate. He has showered me with love even when I've rejected his gifts. Phil keeps showing me how to enjoy life, how to have fun, how to invite people into our lives. I cannot believe the kids and I get to have Phil in our every day lives.
I'm believing big things for us...not perfect things, but good things. I'm believing God will give us what we need to have courage through the hard and the grace to receive His gifts, glorifying Him no matter what. And I'm counting on all of you as our community to walk with us, just as we show up for all of you.
So thirties, here we go!
CHEERS.
Being celebrated has always felt foreign. I'd rather down play and dismiss any form of love or flattery. I try to protect myself from feeling too much. Too much good and too much bad have always made me want to crawl out of my skin. But I'm learning to stay in the moment. I'm learning to fully feel.
As someone who likes to SLOWLY ease into a swimming pool, I felt like someone pushed me into the pool of adulthood. My twenties felt like a complete shock, gasping for air, treading water, all of the "drowning" metaphors. Going from living with my parents and sharing a room with my sister, to getting married and sharing a room with my husband. Moving cities, experiencing panic attacks, carrying/birthing/caring for three kids, having a traveling hubby and family far away. Having so many "supposed to be elated" life events, but feeling trapped and confused instead. These were years of hard emotional work. Learning to cry big tears, learning to verbalize what is on my heart, learning to celebrate.
And celebrate we did. So many of you entered in with our family to celebrate me. I honestly can't put words to the continual love that was poured over my hesitant heart. I struggled at first, thinking it was all too much. But slowly I kept reminding myself that to celebrate is to live. And I want to LIVE. I want my thirties to be a decade of deciding to press into the life I've been given. It will be crazy uncomfortable, but I'm ready to start showing up. Thank you all for standing beside me and believing in the story God is writing. I feel a little bit like the birthday Grinch who has tried to sabotage my own birthday for years and this year my heart grew 100x.
And truly how incredible of our God to have me married to a man who was born to celebrate. He has showered me with love even when I've rejected his gifts. Phil keeps showing me how to enjoy life, how to have fun, how to invite people into our lives. I cannot believe the kids and I get to have Phil in our every day lives.
I'm believing big things for us...not perfect things, but good things. I'm believing God will give us what we need to have courage through the hard and the grace to receive His gifts, glorifying Him no matter what. And I'm counting on all of you as our community to walk with us, just as we show up for all of you.
So thirties, here we go!
CHEERS.
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