A Little Bit of Crazy

Oddly enough I've been spending MANY upon MANY hours with Rock these days (sense the sarcasm??). Our schedule the last couple weeks has had Phil gone 5 days, home for 2, gone for 5, home for 4, gone for 5. I know it could be worse, but it's definitely confusing and hectic trying to keep anything straight...in my brain at least. So, Rock and I have been joined at the hip and surprisingly enough it's been ok. I've had my weak moments for sure, but for the most part little Rock man has been a faithful companion...I mean, he gives me a hug every day. There isn't anyone else that gives me a hug EVERY day (I know Phil would if he could!).

In my day-to-day motherhood experiences I've recently discovered a new freedom. Honestly, I don't know why it's taken me so long to realize the gift Rock has unknowingly given me, but today the haze was lifted. Rock, in his almost two year old ways, has allowed me to be the little bit of crazy that already lives inside of me, but that I rarely let out.

Praise the Lord because I now randomly dance in public, probably every day. I make insane noises out of the blue to get a reaction, I sing out loud in public, I laugh at Rock when he farts and he laughs at me when I fart. What amazing freedoms. I mean, I NEVER got praise or looks of approval when I accidentally played air guitar in front of people before, but now, Rock LOVES my air guitar moves.

And in that same vein I am able to be so honest with the little man. I flat out tell him when he's being annoying or irritating and I lavish hugs and kisses on him whenever possible. I don't ever wonder if Rock thinks I'm ugly or weird. At this point in time he accepts me so graciously and has given me freedom to just be. I am beyond thankful.

Now, I know in about 4 to 5 years this is all going to change. I know that Rock's going to get older and I in turn am going to become embarrassing to him. I know by the time he makes little friends at school my air guitar routines will have to end. But for now I am embracing them.

And for the record...March 25th 2011 was the first day Rock told me he loved me without me saying it first! Generally we'll say to Rock, "Love You" and he'll say it right back, but on Friday Rock and I were driving home from Target and as I looked back and smiled at the little guy, he immediately responded to my smile with, "Love You". It made me burst a little!

Thanks little buddy...even though you threw more tantrums to count at the mall today...you're amazing!