Five

I vividly remember being a newly-wed, asking every married couple I met how long they had been married. I'm not quite sure why this burning question popped out of my mouth so frequently back then, but it did. When couples answered the question with "5 years" or more I thought to myself "Wow, they are doing it. I'm impressed."

TODAY is Phil and my 5 year anniversary!

I couldn't be more proud of us. In the grand scheme of things 5 years isn't that many, but each year up to this point has been a process of laying bricks. We are building a foundation to take 5 years of marriage to 50 and I'm seeing God's faithfulness in full bloom.

I feel as though I've learned enough in the last 5 years to fill my brain 100 times over. There have been days when my head feels like a bowling ball and my neck can't lift my noggin any longer. There have also been days when my head is as light as a balloon soaring above my circumstances because I'm in love.

Some major themes that keep coming to mind today as I think about Phil and my 5 year journey are "conflict is not my enemy," "epic adventures are filled with mountains and valleys," and "love is bigger than me." Let me briefly explain...

Conflict has always been a sticky subject for me. When social situations become uncomfortable my mind automatically thinks "ABORT, ESCAPE, HIDE!!!!!" I'm thankful to say marriage has forced me into conflict and I'm not afraid anymore. Being honest, open, and real with Phil has been the best decision of my life. Yes, it gets painfully uncomfortable. Yes, I get hurt and Phil gets hurt. Yes, I get shaky and nervous and I cry, but it is worth it. WORTH IT! I love that Phil knows my darkness, my ugly and he chooses me anyway. It's consistent and hard, but I pray we never stop saying the hard stuff.

I deeply desire epic adventures. I want to make history and change the world. I want to see things and do things. I have always wanted life and marriage to be an adventure, but I easily forget that adventures are FULL of hardship. I so badly long for the powerfully free feelings I get when I watch movies or read books, but when things in my own life are difficult I want a new adventure. When Phil and I aren't communicating well or if I feel misunderstood it's too easy for me to long for the excitement of new love again or to believe we aren't living an adventure at all. But those are lies. Being married to Phil is grand and messy and insanely beautiful...we're living an adventure always.

Being in LOVE with Phil is the best. It's bigger than me or my ability. It's easy to feel in and out of love. It's different and worse and better than I thought it would be, but it's not about me. More and more I'm realizing that marriage is about living in love and it spreads. Being married isn't just about two people or just a family, but about everyone. True love is a light and it shines.

Phil Shay..."Wow, we are doing it, and I'm impressed" I love you and us! The world can truly be better because we love each other. God's plans are mighty and meaningful. I'm gifted to be walking these paths with you. XO.