A funk is upon me...
The last couple days have felt like I stepped in a small pit of sinking sand. My emotions have been a drag. My mind is completely over worked and I don't know how to shut it off.
I've been anticipating this week for a while now. The weather in Nashville is finally in the 70's, my brother is here visiting, and Phil is home for 4 days. Sounds like a nice combo right?
The truth is I am a queen of expectations. I set them up so high and I think because my plans are looking good that life is going to soar. When things get difficult for me in the midst of "perfect" circumstances I go down fast. I start believing that God doesn't care...I start saying prayers in my subconscious like "God, if you really loved me you would let me take an awesome nap this afternoon. God, if you really knew me you would give me a break." Such trivial things to be honest. But when those little prayers aren't answered with an automatic "YES", I dig the whole deeper and sit in it longer.
I'm pretty sure I don't have anything profound to say today. I want to see a bigger picture. I want to live a fuller life. I'm oddly aware of my downfalls and the longing for redemption inside my soul is very real.
And to those of you who thought this post was about funk music...I apologize fervently. Maybe next time?!?!?!?!? :)
I've been anticipating this week for a while now. The weather in Nashville is finally in the 70's, my brother is here visiting, and Phil is home for 4 days. Sounds like a nice combo right?
The truth is I am a queen of expectations. I set them up so high and I think because my plans are looking good that life is going to soar. When things get difficult for me in the midst of "perfect" circumstances I go down fast. I start believing that God doesn't care...I start saying prayers in my subconscious like "God, if you really loved me you would let me take an awesome nap this afternoon. God, if you really knew me you would give me a break." Such trivial things to be honest. But when those little prayers aren't answered with an automatic "YES", I dig the whole deeper and sit in it longer.
I'm pretty sure I don't have anything profound to say today. I want to see a bigger picture. I want to live a fuller life. I'm oddly aware of my downfalls and the longing for redemption inside my soul is very real.
And to those of you who thought this post was about funk music...I apologize fervently. Maybe next time?!?!?!?!? :)
I get you girl! The enemy loves to see us struggle, press through and let truth set you free from sinking further - a good word for me right now :) thanks for sharing, we are not alone !
ReplyDeleteThank you Nicole...your encouragement is a big deal.
ReplyDeleteDear lovely Sonnie,
ReplyDeleteEven though you may feel in a funk today, or just in this season, know that God uses you so much even in all the funkiness. I personally felt so loved by you over the summer, even when I was an ocean away and we could randomly communicate. I loved seeing your sweet face this afternoon and the faces of your family. I'm keeping you in my prayers until I see you again.
-MK