I'm losing...
From the moment I woke up this morning I've wanted to take the day like a piece of paper, crumble it into a ball, and kick it to kingdom come. Or bury it 10 feet in the ground, or watch it float away in the ocean while I stand on the shore happily waving goodbye as it disappears. I am losing this day.
I think most days I wake up, tighten my boot straps, and put on strength that comes from my own ability. It's days like these, weeks like these really, that I understand the hard way that my strength isn't enough. It's times where I'm not sleeping, and Rocky is miserable, and the house is a horrible mess, that the strength I put on in the morning isn't nearly enough.
To be honest I don't want to be a mom today. I don't want to wipe noses and make food little man doesn't want to eat. I don't want to be at home while Rock naps...I want to be in an open field. I want to be laughing, and running, and free. When things get hard and I think "I can't do this anymore" what that usually translates into is "I don't want to do this anymore". Those things are different and these feelings are for a moment.
The core of my being wants to be an encouragement at all times to all people. My words are lacking, but God's words aren't. Today I don't really know what to say other than in the fight for today I am losing, but...
"You, O Lord, keep my lamp burning;
my God turns my darkness into light.
With your help I can advance against a troop;
with my God I can scale a wall.
As for God, his way is perfect;
the word of the Lord is flawless.
He is a shield for all who take refuge in him.
For who is God besides the Lord?
And who is the Rock except our God?
It is God who arms me with strength
and makes my way perfect.
He makes my feet like the feet of a deer;
he enables me to stand on the heights.
He trains my hands for battle;
my arms can bend a bow of bronze.
You give me your shield of victory,
and your right hand sustains me;
you stoop down to make me great."
Psalm 18:28-35
Amen.
I think most days I wake up, tighten my boot straps, and put on strength that comes from my own ability. It's days like these, weeks like these really, that I understand the hard way that my strength isn't enough. It's times where I'm not sleeping, and Rocky is miserable, and the house is a horrible mess, that the strength I put on in the morning isn't nearly enough.
To be honest I don't want to be a mom today. I don't want to wipe noses and make food little man doesn't want to eat. I don't want to be at home while Rock naps...I want to be in an open field. I want to be laughing, and running, and free. When things get hard and I think "I can't do this anymore" what that usually translates into is "I don't want to do this anymore". Those things are different and these feelings are for a moment.
The core of my being wants to be an encouragement at all times to all people. My words are lacking, but God's words aren't. Today I don't really know what to say other than in the fight for today I am losing, but...
"You, O Lord, keep my lamp burning;
my God turns my darkness into light.
With your help I can advance against a troop;
with my God I can scale a wall.
As for God, his way is perfect;
the word of the Lord is flawless.
He is a shield for all who take refuge in him.
For who is God besides the Lord?
And who is the Rock except our God?
It is God who arms me with strength
and makes my way perfect.
He makes my feet like the feet of a deer;
he enables me to stand on the heights.
He trains my hands for battle;
my arms can bend a bow of bronze.
You give me your shield of victory,
and your right hand sustains me;
you stoop down to make me great."
Psalm 18:28-35
Amen.
Wow. That is pretty real. :) Stay strong, I am sure you are a great wife, mom, sister, daughter and friend!
ReplyDeleteBe encouraged Sonnie... your words are so true and honest, and bring me back to times when I've felt the same way. Looking forward to reading more. Rock is the absolute definition of a handsome baby boy!
ReplyDelete